Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
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