even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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