dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
