I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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