omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
