so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
