p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
