had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
