yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
