EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
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