I accidentally had phone sex last night
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
Randomize
