I want to stick my p in your. b.
"it" just moved
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Ketchup is God's man juice
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
