The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
