no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
