dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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