This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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