Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
