smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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