Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Shame - the story of my life.
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