I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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