Someone shit on the floor
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
