I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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