I think I died a long time ago.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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