I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize