porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Dignity is for republicans.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
