Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
