Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
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