She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
