I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
