between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Randomize
