So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
