I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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