Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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