you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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