I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
