I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize