have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
