Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
