She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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