i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
