yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
her facebook's as public as her vagina
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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