He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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