i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I need to wash the frat house off of me
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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