I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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