The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
