I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
