apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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