oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
