why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
