you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Randomize
