He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
