once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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