the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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