I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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