Im at strip club and am horny
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
