what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
