i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
