I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
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