Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
