we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
she told me i tasted like america
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
