something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
