Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
there was a trapeze. enough said
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
