What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
