Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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