Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
