We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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