...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
