i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
