Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize