You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize