Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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