A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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