im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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