she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
