My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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