This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize