I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize