I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
