P.S. I can't hear my feet
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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