I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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