not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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