The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
