Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize