i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
