i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
