Need sex. Gaining weight.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
