your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
