More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Randomize
