Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize