After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Sober January is a disaster.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
