Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
