i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
