If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
