nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Randomize
