Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
