why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
