The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Randomize
